Do you and your partner need to communicate more effectively? Do you feel unappreciated, unheard, and unloved in your relationship? If trust between you has broken down, do you avoid having meaningful conversations and, hold onto unspoken resentment that tears you further apart?
There’s nothing more isolating than when you feel alone in your relationship. It can be devestating,when the person you’ve committed to sharing your life with is no longer emotionally available. Whether the pressures of life have caused you to grow apart or something more serious, such as infidelity, has led to estrangement, the outcome is the same: you’re living separate lives, and something needs to change.Schedule an appointment.
You May Feel Misunderstood
You fail to connect whenever you try to express how you feel. It might seem you’re not being heard or understood. Just like that, the conversation is over without anything getting resolved. Maybe you experience a lack of romance or have become the one who performs all the emotional labor for your family. Your partner meets your concerns with defensiveness and criticism. You feel lonely, discouraged, and hopeless.
What you can both agree on is that you’re tired of having the same arguments repeatedly. Deep down, you still love each other and are ready to feel connected, cherished, and loved again.
The good news is with couples therapy, you can learn how to restore that special connection you share. A commitment to couples counseling can help you shift away from negative communication patterns and find common ground.
Making Our Relationship A Priority Can Be Challenging
These days, it can feel like we’re in survival mode most of the time. With the stresses of modern life keeping us busier, finding time to nurture our relationships can be difficult. Between demanding work schedules, taking care of the kids, and simply trying to make ends meet, who has time left for anything else? Under these circumstances, it comes as no surprise that tempers shorten and we may start taking our partners for granted.
Moreover, over the past several decades, we have increasingly relied upon our partners to be our “everything”. Whereas in previous generations, we lived more communally with friends and family, we are often more isolated these days. We now rely heavily upon our partners to provide us with all the emotional support we need. This is an unrealistic expectation to bestow on anyone, especially our partners.Schedule an appointment.
Many Of Us Were Never Taught The Required Skills To Maintain Healthy Relationships
Another common obstacle we face is our tendency to mirror the attachment styles we witnessed as a child. These styles are not necessarily healthy—and we often carry them into our relationships. Although we are sent to school to become educated, we are rarely “taught” the skills necessary to listen actively and validate our partner’s feelings. More often, we are prone to defensiveness, excuses, and stonewalling.
Unfortunately, we may have entered marriage expecting it to be the impetus for our partner to change magically, but this seldom happens. When unhealthy communication styles become entrenched, it can be challenging to move beyond them.
Once your marriage is in trouble, you might dismiss therapy without realizing how helpful it can be. However, the good news is that you can have the relationship you’ve always desired with a commitment to couples therapy.
Couples Therapy Offers A Road Map Back To One Another
If communication between you has broken down, you might feel you’re at the end of your rope. Fortunately, with couples therapy, there are constructive ways to get your relationship back on track.
In couples counseling, you will learn effective communication strategies and conflict-resolution skills that you can implement immediatly. Marriage counseling will also teach you how to set healthy boundaries, make heartfelt repairs, rebuild trust, and nurture intimacy.
What makes couples therapy so invaluable is how, as your therapist, I ensure that both of you feel seen, heard, and validated without ever taking sides. I will be a cheerleader for your relationship, rooting for you to succeed by learning to understand yourselves better and each other.
What To Expect In Sessions
My approach to therapy is solution-focused, so our time together will be relatively short-term but effective. If you are committed to putting in the work, it will take an average of eight sessions of couples therapy to see the desired results. I sometimes assign homework for you between sessions—such as going out on a date or taking quizzes.
Couples tend to get stuck in an endless cycle of arguments and disconnection. And underlying these disagreements are repetitive patterns and themes. In therapy, I will help you recognize these dysfunctional patterns and when they are most likely to arise.
Perhaps you feel dismissed by your partner whenever you try to express your needs. Whenever you open up, the conversation inevitably becomes a story about them. In therapy, we will examine why this continues to happen and identify the emotional needs that underlie this pattern. You will both gain empathy for each other and foster understanding.
Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples
I utilize Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a short-term, structured approach to couples counseling. Emotion influences how we behave and propels how we interpret and make sense of the world. EFT helps you recognize what each of you is feeling and expands your emotional literacy. The goal of EFT is to create a more secure attachment between you and your partner. EFT helps bring awareness and understanding to the emotional landscape of your relationship.
Studies have demonstrated that EFT can help couples with a variety of common problems, including Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, frequent arguments, a history of infidelity, and contending with chronic health conditions.
With a better understanding of how—and why—you and your partner feel the way you do, you can improve communication and diminish conflict in your relationship. Soon, you’ll be able to grow closer than you’ve ever been before.
But You May Wonder Whether Couples Therapy Is Right For You…
What if my partner doesn’t want to attend couples counseling with me?
It may be helpful to find out if there is a specific reason why your partner doesn’t want to attend couples therapy. For example, you might be able to overcome your partner’s objection if you invite them to choose the therapist themselves. Schedule an appointment.
If your partner still doesn’t want to attend marriage counseling, you may decide that individual therapy would be beneficial. Attending therapy alone may take longer to repair your relationship, but it can still be helpful. Working with a counselor can help you approach your partnership in a healthy, more constructive way.
You can focus on understanding your own emotions, shifting how you communicate with your partner, and identifying practical coping skills for improving how you respond to challenging situations within your relationship.
I’m afraid that we will be judged by the therapist in marriage therapy.
I work with all kinds of couples. I pride myself on validating your unique experience without imposing my thoughts and beliefs upon you or your relationship.
What’s more, nothing we discuss in couples therapy will shock me. The issues that couples tend to be in conflict about typically fall into recognizable patterns that I can help you resolve in counseling sessions.
We don’t have time to attend couples therapy.
It’s challenging to schedule therapy when you’re both busy. Fortunately, telehealth is a convenient and time-saving approach to couples counseling. With telehealth, there is no need to be in the same space at once to receive quality counseling.
Many couples will meet on their lunch breaks from separate locations, eliminating the need to commute.
Read more about Online Therapy.
It’s Time To Make Your Relationship A Priority
Getting back on the same page with your partner can bring so much joy. If you’re ready to find out more about couples therapy with me, please visit my contact page or call/ text (315) 291-0025 to schedule an appointment with me. I offer in-person and telehealth sessions in New York, NY (Financial District) and Skaneateles, NY & telehealth only in FL, CT, VT, and NY.