You often feel like your spouse is too strict, so you try to soften the blow by being more kind – coming in giving in after to comfort your kids, giving in, and questioning why your partner is so hard on them.
Your partner often feels like you’re too lenient, so they try to pick up the slack by being more firm – enforcing rules like a tyrant, setting hard limits, and ruling with an iron fist.
This dynamic can lead partners to feel like they’re constantly playing tug-of-war with each other, making up for what’s lacking in the other by being over kind or overly firm.
Parents often ask me which parenting approach is the best – being more kind or more firm.
The answer is simple: Both.
I believe (and the research supports this) that kids do better when they feel better. That means growing up in a home that has a lot of kindness AND a lot of firmness.
Predictability and follow-through on consequences is important, as well as emotional connection and love.
I Help Parents Learn How To Work Together To Incorporate More Kindness And More Firmness In Their Families.
It’s important to understand how the ways we each grew up also impacts the way we parent, so that’s usually where I start.
Many parents either do exactly what their own parents did or they consciously try to do the exact opposite. I call this The Pendulum Phenomenon, because we tend to swing to one extreme or the other in our attempt to recreate history or avoid it at all costs.
This black and white thinking often leads to blind spots in the way we parent our children. We end up parenting in a way that is either too authoritarian or too passive, without incorporating essential elements of both.
When I’m working with a couple, I see them as the experts of their children.
Parenting is such a sensitive subject, and everyone has their own opinion. It seems like every online article or blog post has these asinine “rules” about how to parent your children. One article headline reads, “Time-Outs Are The Best Way to Set Limits,” while another one gives you, “Five Reasons why Time-Outs Traumatize Kids.”
It’s enough to make your head spin.
I want you to know that you are the experts, and I’m not here to tell you how to parent.
I’m here to help you find the best ways you can parent together. You know your children best, and what works for one family may not work for another. There is no “one sized fits all” parenting solution.
Parenting Support In Skaneateles, NY and online in New York State and Florida
How Does It Work?
First, you’ll schedule your 10-minute phone consultation so that I can answer any questions you may have about counseling. If you decide to move forward, then you can schedule your intake session with me over the phone or online.
Prior to your first appointment, you’ll receive a link to your own customized client portal.
There, you can complete all of your intake paperwork at your leisure from the comfort of your own home. There’s no need to arrive early to your first appointment, as I will already have had the chance to review your paperwork and learn about your unique situation.
The intake session is 1 hour and includes both of you.
This first session is not as scary as most people think it is. I spend most of the time just getting to know you and asking questions about your family – what’s working well, what needs improvement, and what goals you have for counseling.
At that point, we’ll come up with a plan for our time together, including a rough estimate of how many sessions to expect.
How Often Do We Need To Come?
All couples start at a frequency of one session each week, and sessions are 50 minutes long. You may also opt to extend your sessions on a case-by-case basis.
Once you and your partner are starting to see improvement in the way you’re working together at home, then we’ll begin tapering off by meeting every other week.
I do this to allow plenty of time for couples to practice using what they’ve learned in counseling. When you hit a bump or a roadblock, we’ll be able to process that together and troubleshoot solutions.
Many couples complete parent support counseling in a matter of 8-12 sessions (2-3 months).
Imagine feeling like you’re on the same team again. You both will have learned so much about each other — things that would have never come up had you not taken this step.
You’ll be parenting together without feeling like you’re always having to give in or argue your point. And you’ll actually get to enjoy the time you spend with your kids again.
I can help you get there. Schedule your 10-minute phone consultation and get started today.